Why do we constantly feel like we have to be doing something? Building a side-hustle, enrolling our kids in 500 after school activities, vacationing to exotic places, picking up the house, scrolling social media, and more more more. It never stops. We never want to sit still or even feel like we have time to. But why the fuck would we rather be overwhelmed and stressed out instead? 

My mind is restless when I try to take a break. I’m filled with anxiety as I enter the weekend knowing my schedule is jam-packed for the coming week. It’s difficult to sit still or chill out without being overwhelmed and consumed by guilt for not getting started on it now. 

And God help the person that says we’ll discuss this more on Monday. Fuck that nonsense, we’re going to talk about this now because I’m not spending my already anxious weekend wondering where this conversation will go on Monday. 

I try to read a book but can’t finish more than a few pages without getting distracted. I start a new TV show but barely pay attention as I scroll my phone with it on in the background. I want to listen intently as my kids tell me a story, but my mind wanders instead. I go on date night but only want to talk business and big plans. I want to be present but I just can’t seem to get there. I feel like there’s still so much left to do. 

But damn, I’m lonely…

And mostly, I think I’m just afraid of what my life will look like if I slow down and have nothing on my schedule. 

Does that mean I’ve failed? 

Will I seem less successful? 

Will people think something is wrong with me? 

Will I come off as boring?

Will I realize how much I’m missing a real connection?

Will people take advantage of my new availability and fill it with their tasks?

Will I have to face problems I’m not ready to deal with?

The shame breaks the surface and makes me feel unworthy and undeserving of rest. If I stop now, then I will lose everything that’s gotten me to this point. The loss of momentum will just slow me down and I’ll have to play catch up later. 

What if I don’t have time to play catch up later?

It’s a never-ending cycle of more more more.

But what I’m looking for is less less less and permission to slow down and take a minute without feeling consumed with guilt. 

I recently started going to therapy to sit with my thoughts and work with some long-standing feelings that have tattooed themselves to me. I’m hoping through communication I can work out some of the guilt that doesn’t let me breathe when I need to and rest before life feels like too much.

It can be difficult to step away from ‘responsibilities’ and give space for other things. Comparison syndrome leaves us believing that everything we do has to help us grow or move the needle. But we’re allowed to do things because we enjoy them and it makes us happy. 

It doesn’t have to make money or grow an audience or be something we brag about on social media for likes and shares. 

It can just be.

We’re all just trying to live a life where we show up and be present, not in a constant state of distraction. So the next time you catch yourself drifting or filling spaces on your calendar for the fuck of it, take a step back and reevaluate why you’re doing it.

It could be for all the wrong reasons.

And most importantly, don’t apologize for clearing the to-do list and taking some time to realign and relax. You are more than worthy of it.